Beach Night

Last night I met four of my friends from school at the beach. It was a little after 10, so the beach was dark except for the moonlight. We sat on the lifeguard tower and speculated about the wet clothes that we found sitting there, and talked about possibilities of filming over the summer. After a while one of the girls, who was staring into the darkness down the beach said, "Are those swings?" She got up, and one of the guys and I followed her. The three of us ran along the beach, stumbling in the deep sand and laughing like little kids. We soon realized that the swings were not there. We all said that we remembered swings on this beach, so they must be in the other direction. We turned back and walked past the lifeguard tower towards the pier. Eventually the dark outline of the swings was visible, and we ran towards them.

We all grabbed a swing and took turns jumping off them into the sand. I didn't land on my feet once, and soon sand was down my shirt and my pants, but I just laughed. I'm sure I looked ridiculous, but in the darkness no one could see too well and no one cared anyhow. It's oddly freeing, the darkness. Under its protection you can be yourself, entirely, without fear. Swinging on a moonlit beach late at night with the waves crashing in front of you and the pier stretching into the endless expanse of water is something exhilarating I can tell you. But what came next was even better.

Soon we all rolled up our pants and walked to the water, letting it swirl in around our feet. It was surprisingly warm, and we bemoaned the fact that none of us had our bathing suits with us. "I kind of want to go skinny-dipping," I said. "I'd do it if I was alone." Then the girl suggested, "We could go in our underwear." We all looked at each other. "Let's do it." So we ran back up onto the dry sand to strip down. A homeless man was rummaging through the trash cans for bottles, so we ran a little ways back towards the lifeguard tower. "This is far enough," I said. We pulled off our clothes, slightly out of breath from running and smiling giddily. At last we stood there, the girl and I in our bras and underwear, the guy in his boxers. Then we ran into the water.

The next few minutes cannot be described in great detail. I don't remember much of anything except that all of us were laughing and that I was constantly out of breath from laughing, then ducking under the waves, then coming up gasping for air and laughing again. The water wasn't as warm as it had felt on our feet but I didn't feel cold. The waves were strong and kept attempting to pull my underwear off, so half the time I had a hand on it to keep it in place. It was silly and awkward but the feeling was glorious. I didn't feel part of this world. I've rarely come so close to complete freedom and inhibition.

We splashed out of the water and gathered our clothes in bundles. We walked back toward the lifeguard tower, anticipating the looks on the others faces when we got there. As we approached, we greeted them nonchalantly and asked if they could hold onto our clothes. Then we took off and ran into the water again. It was rockier here and the waves were more brutal, but I didn't care. We wrote in the sand and did cartwheels through the waves. As we walked through the water, the guy said, "This is like the opening for an indie movie." and I completely agreed. It felt like we were living in a story, someone else's story, a stolen hour from a fairytale.

The other two climbed down from the tower and walked down the beach toward us. We came out of the water to meet them and we all walked back to get our stuff. Thankfully I had brought a large towel so we were able to dry ourselves off some. The girl and I took our clothes and went to change out of our wet things in the bathroom (jeans on wet skin are none too comfortable, I discovered). By the time we came back, it was well past midnight, and everyone decided it was time to leave.

At our cars there was something waiting for us. On each of our windshields was an envelope and a slip of pink paper. Apparently, we were not allowed to park there so late. We all groaned and berated officer Kim for leaving us such an unpleasant and undeserved surprise. But to me, the night was well worth it.

During the drive home I reflected on everything that had happened. This is what being young is for, I thought. This is what life is about, having these experiences. I want to have these stories to tell. I don't want to live according to the rules. When I'm old I want to look back and say, "Look at what I did then, and now I'm here, still whole. I don't regret my life." So I'm devoting my summer to this: I will seize every opportunity that comes my way to have these experiences and not worry about the repercussions. I'm not stupid enough to get into serious trouble, but I can't allow myself to be too smart to enjoy life. I've been worried about being good for too long. Last night opened my eyes. As if woken from several years of deep sleep, I felt truly alive again. And for that, I'll gladly pay a $40 ticket any night.

Summer isn't endless... but the possibilities are!

Yesterday I took my last final of the semester, which means several things.

1. I successfully completed my last official semester at Saddleback college.
2. I am officially graduated from highschool.
3. Summer is here!

It's really exciting, although to be quite honest the realization that I am done with high school FOREVER hasn't sunk in yet. Mostly I'm just happy that summer is here. After a long and challenging semester, it will be a greatly appreciated break. Not that I will be idle. Quite the contrary. I know that the summer will be over before I know it, and four years of college sit waiting for me at the other end. That is why I intend to take advantage of summer as much as possible. There are many things I am hoping to do:

• turn my legs any color but the milk-white they are now
  
• get in shape by hiking, riding, biking, running and swimming as much as possible
• finish a feature-length screenplay
• be on as many film sets as possible (I'm already lined up for a short in June)
• enjoy my amazing friends
• have several awesome adventures
• learn to play as many songs on the piano as I can
• explore - go places I've never been
• be creative whenever the opportunity arises
• work on my Spanish-speaking skills (which are non-existent)
• watch loads of movies
• learn to be fearless
• kiss someone
• take a roadtrip
• write constantly
• go to the beach
• be spontaneous
• stay up late, wake up early, and never grow tired
• learn Elvish
• become a bigger nerd even than I am now
• indulge my fantasies
• spend lots of time pampering and playing with my horse
• spend as little time as possible in my own house
• have sleepovers - hopefully I'll spend more nights in other's homes than my own
• buy all the music I like to listen to, even if I don't have the money
• visit the zoo regularly
  
• read, read, read (this includes finishing all 40 of the books I won through Helping Haiti Heal, pictured below)

To find out how I won this amazing prize:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KsEsPmeAJns

Those are just some of the things I hope to accomplish this summer that I could come up with off the top of my head. I don't see them as resolutions, more as a wish list, but I feel confident that I will see some of them come to fruition.

In summery (hahaha, get it? summer-y.... summary... yeah), this summer is going to knock my socks off. And I'm very much looking forward to it.

This is your captain, signing out.

P.S. If you want to see something awesome and potentially adorable, stay tuned for a vlog in the next few days!

Mission Outdoors

It’s been a while since I’ve written.

Not because I have had a lack of amusing, interesting, or profound thoughts to share, but rather that I’ve been afraid to write them down. There is something wonderful but often terrifying about writing. To be honest, for the past few months I’ve been too afraid to solidify my thoughts in writing.

But tonight I’m in the mood. It’s time to start writing again.

I just came home from Del Taco (a usual haunt of the Saddleback film students) where I had an interesting conversation with a friend. He told me about the months he spent living in his car when his parents had kicked him out of the house because he didn’t have a job. He said that they were some of the most productive months of his life. Away from home and the distractions of video games and junk food, he was able to be healthier and read and write freely.

As he described his experience to me, I saw that we were both very similar in our addictive personalities and our tendency for laziness, and that got me thinking that what worked for him might work for me. Maybe I really needed to stay out of the house more. In the last month or so I really haven’t been home much at all, and I barely see my parents anymore. But when I am home, I spend the majority of my time on the computer on Facebook or other websites. The internet is the biggest way I avoid my responsibilities.

I’m not prepared to quit cold turkey. There are parts of the internet that I really enjoy that, when used in the right proportion and context, can be beneficial. But I want to be doing other more important things, and it has to stop getting in the way of that.

I could sum up the past few years of my life by saying that under the pressure of increasing responsibility I have taken increasingly drastic measures to avoid it and the knowledge of this caused me to be even more self-destructive. The resolutions I made at the beginning of the year were my way of recognizing this and attempting to fix it. What I realize now is that I was trying to fix too many big problems in my life at once. I set my goals too high, and therefore failed (as I had always known secretly that I would) to achieve them.

So, I’m setting my sights lower. I am condensing my ten resolutions into one: stay out of the house as much as possible. I mean this in a physical way. Even being in the backyard is better than sitting inside. The more I’m out of the house, the more I will get done, and the better the chance is that I will do something productive and healthy. This is something that I feel I can achieve. The only resolution I have succeeded in so far is to become and remain a vegetarian. I believe this was because it is something that involves restraint rather than action. Since staying out of the house and away from the computer is a form of restraint, I feel that it is achievable.

I’m really quite excited about this decision. For a long time I’ve had a desire to do healthier things, and now I think I’ve found a way. The mission has begun.