Horses, veggie subs, and shower-dwelling spiders

I spent all morning and half the afternoon at the barn. I stayed long after my lesson was over because the weather was so lovely. The sky was clear and the sun beautifully warm. I took my horse (G) over to the 4-H area where there was a lovely field of newly-grown grass, sprung up after the rain. I sat on a tree stump and watched him graze. It was good to sit down and bask in the light, no obligations, no schedule, no pressure.

I began thinking about horses. What purpose do they really serve as animals? In the grand scheme of things, they are non-essential, except perhaps as natural lawn mowers with built-in fertilizers. They are omnivores, so they don't keep any other animal population in check. But neither do they make easy prey (such as deer) for carnivores higher on the food chain. I can then come to the only logical conclusion: that horses were created to have a relationship with man.

And I wondered what went through the head of my oldest ancestor when he first decided to sit on the horse's back. I wonder if he marveled that they fit so perfectly together, like two pieces in the puzzle of the universe. Maybe he didn't have time to think anything before the horse began bucking and crowhopping and doing everything to get him off. It still amazes me that, after time and dedication, they can learn to trust us.

After I left the barn I went to Subway and had my first vegetarian fast food: a six-inch veggie sub. It tasted almost exactly like an Italian sub (my favorite). I barely noticed that the meat was gone. Barely. It's funny, I've only been a vegetarian for two days but already I've noticed that I feel hungry more often. I definitely need to find some filling substitutes for meat. Like, soon. Before I have a cow (get it? harharhar...).

I hopped in the shower when I got home to wash off the stable dust. After ten minutes or so (I take ridiculously long showers) I noticed that there was a spider hiding in a fold at the bottom of my plastic shower curtain. I thought it was awfully clever of him to hide in the plastic as it would protect him from the water. I continued my luxurious and lengthy shower, playing it cool. For the record, I hate spiders. I hate when they seem to appear of nowhere. I'm okay with them once I have them in my sights, although the way they move gives me the willies and makes me jumpy. Especially the big brown hairy ones. But even though I greatly dislike them, I hate killing things, spiders included. The only things I can snuff without a conscious are black widows and ticks.

At last when I turned the water off, I took a closer look at my eight-legged friend. To my dismay, I saw that the pocket of plastic which I had believed was shielding him from the spray had filled with water. I drained it, but the spider didn't move, and his legs were curled in that unmistakable sign of a dead spider. I felt responsible for the death of this spider. If I would only have stopped the shower and shooed him to a safer spot outside the tub he would still be alive.

I know it sounds ridiculous, but I felt really awful that I could have saved him, and didn't. I experienced the same sinking feeling that I felt when I passed up a hitchhiker and the time the car in front of me hit a deer and I didn't stop (I did actually go back, but it took me several minutes to turn around). It makes you feel like the opposite of a hero. Not an evil person, but a person who makes the wrong choices. However, now that I've confessed I feel that I have acquitted myself of that misdeed and my conscious can go about unburdened.

I made my first vlog for my new channel and will post it tonight. It can be viewed here: http://www.youtube.com/user/misswithapegasus though I don't suggest watching it if you've read my first blog, as I essentially reiterate what I wrote there. It's not a very good video, but I made it on principal. My future ones will hopefully be both more interesting and shorter.

The rest of my day was relatively uneventful and therefore I will not write of it. So far, I think my resolutions are coming along nicely. Two days down, 363 more to go!

2010

So, the new year is here.

2009 gifted me with many good things. Some I will carry with me into this next year, some will become memories, good for taking out in later years and reexamining. I made several new friends who are likely to fall under my bff category. I learned under some fantastic teachers and became close with many of them. I received straight As in my classes (not without several breakdowns over finals week and a lot of pimples). I experienced several touching moments with my horse and grew closer to him than ever before in the five years I've owned him. I made it through my college applications and have so far been accepted to two out of the three schools to which I sent them. And so the list goes on...

Despite all this, I struggled a lot last year with keeping myself motivated, and because of that it feels wonderful to have a clean slate, a brand-spanking-new year in which I can accomplish some of my goals. This is the first year I've actually made New Year's resolutions. I decided on ten. Here they are, in no particular order:

1. Become a vegetarian (I'm currently reading up on nutrition and good recipes)
2. Get back down to 125 lbs. (This may or may not include joining a gym. I've never been to one and I'm terrified)
3. Keep an idea journal (basically a collection of the random inspirations that come to me at odd moments)
4. Finish a novel (I'm hoping to participate in NaNoWriMo in November)
5. Finish a feature-length screenplay (I'm about twenty pages into an adaptation of a book)
6. Edit and send out my old writing (to contests, publications, etc.)
7. Be more environmentally aware (This is general, but it includes stopping my water bottle consumption and setting up recycling for the barn and my neighborhood)
8. Remain a straight-A student (I suffer Hermione-like stress over schoolwork and come down with severe cases of procrastination)
9. Vlog (at least) once a week and become involved in the YouTube community
10. Keep a regular blog (meaning write every day when possible so you'll be hearing from me a lot)

If I believed it possible, I would have put down "stop procrastinating" but I am forced to accept that it is just part of my nature. I have several other things in mind but these ten are the ones I want to concentrate on. I will probably be adding things to the list (and hopefully checking some off) throughout the year and the goals on list will be constantly morphing. But my life has mostly consisted of having wonderful ideas and occasionally executing them. I'm leaving for university in the fall and I want to make this last year count.

This blog will most likely chronicle my attempts to fulfill these goals, as well as random moments and thoughts I wish to share. I predict that I will cry many times, eat loads of Dove chocolate, and waste most of my time on the internet. But I know that after the storm comes the calm, after the rain comes the blue sky and the clear air and the green hills and everything lovely. So I have great hope that after many a meltdown and discouraging day I will find again my inspiration, my purpose, and my truth.

2010, here I come.