Stream of a sleepy consciousness

Here I am. Writing when I'm tired and have nothing to talk about. Do I get a gold star?

No, not really. I'm doing this for myself, and I doubt whether anyone cares two hoots whether I write or not.

I was at the barn today, and I decided to try to drain the huge lake of water that was sitting in the arena. No one was around, so I let G graze while I sloshed around in the mud for an hour or so and got the water flowing. I managed to drain almost all the water out, and felt quite proud of myself. I almost wanted someone to be there, so I could show them what a good job I'd done, but I thought, it's better this way. No one needs to know that I did it. I realized that I don't need recognition for every good thing that I do. Sometimes it's nice to have a little secret.

I wish I could say I was past caring what people think about me, but that's not true. Who knows if it ever will be. But I've been growing more and more sure of myself over the years and especially in the last few months.

This is a bit random, but since it has been raining I've been spending a lot more time at the barn, sitting around, grooming, grazing G. It's been so peaceful to have time just to enjoy the grass and the cool weather. I believe that nature brings out the best in me; both the child and the philosopher. My imagination can run wild and at the same time I can explore my thoughts, plumbing the intricacies of my soul.

Perhaps that is why I love Avatar so much. The Na'avi are so attuned to nature; they find joy in it and have great compassion for living things, despite the ferocity of their world. It is an inspiration for mankind, we who live in a world where the predators are disease, money, technology, natural disasters, and war. I think we could all benefit from having a deeper relationship with nature. It gives us perspective and brings us closer to our Creator, closer to other people, and closer to ourselves.

I'll leave it at that tonight, as I'm falling asleep where I sit. Rachel, signing off.